Something that has eluded me for awhile now is how to run a "graceful" household. The balance between having a clean home, time for Kaylin and Tim (and not just any time, but quality time), getting projects completed (crafting or household), making meals, time spent in the word and devotions, and time for myself, exercising, etc., has just seemed to overwelm me recently. I always feel like there's something to do, and important stuff that I just can't seem to devote my time to. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Maybe I'm just not using my time well, but there just never seems enough time during the day for everything. I know that part of my problem is just having the wrong focus (a little too much on myself), but this too is such a hard thing to change.
I think it's starting to cummulate into feeling like I could be a better mother. I don't know how other mothers are, but I feel like most of the day I go from room to room, doing various chores and projects while Kaylin follows me around or entertains herself. I know it's not as bad as I probably feel it is, but sometimes it seems that way. For example, I think in all total, I probably only spent 15 minutes today on the floor with Kaylin playing and giving her undivided attention. She gets my attention during diaper changes and meals too, but that's not really quality time. So I feel that it's either have a clean, organized home, or a happy baby. I know there's a balance there, but what is it? I don't think I've dusted in months, papers that I need to organize are piled on the desk, I've only scrubbed the bathtub once since we've lived here, yet I always feel like I'm constantly cleaning and tidying up. I think part of the problem is that I hate clutter and I think I'm slightly obsessive compulsive because I always have to have things stacked up completely right (balanced), things in a straight line, no crumbs on the floor (it's hard to explain). So if I see something amiss I usually stop whatever I'm doing and try to fix it or clean it (and yet I always feel the house could be cleaner). I'm trying to ignore the impulses, but living in a small space only seems to magnify it. Spending time with Tim and Kaylin is so much more important (and I'm constantly reminded of Martha and Mary in the Bible) but I just can't seem to find that balance. Maybe I should get up earlier and swear off the computer and the tv. (Right now it's 12:30 and I should really be in bed!) I wish I could hire cleaners to at least take some of the load off, but that's not a possibilty.
So how do you guys balance your households? Do you tend to put off chores and projects in turn for time with your children, or are you like me and struggle with putting your children and husbands first? It's definitely hard sometimes to be a wife and mother! I pray that God gives me more grace to do both well.
5 comments:
Allison...I told am with you on this one and I don't have kids...do two fish and a rabbit count. I have a really neat calender I found that I will email to you that breaks down housecleaning and tidying into week chores. I just make a giant to do list for the week and then break it down into days. This seems to help me organize and get it all done.
Jamie
Is there a way to get Kaylin involved in your daily household stuff? You said you only spend 15 minutes playing with her on the floor, but at her age, pretty much anything can be a game/quality time...including cleaning up! Sure, it's easier and faster just to do it yourself, but having her "help" and talking to her the whole time you are doing a task is good time spent with your daughter, in my opinion.
Also, I've had to come up with a chore chart of sorts for myself. There are certain things I do once a week on a certain day (like dusting on Tues or scrubbing the bathtub on Thurs, or whatever). Otherwise those types of things would never get done...then I eventually end up with a house that looks neat, but isn't really clean if that makes sense.
Reading your post makes me think that you might need to set up a daily routine...nothing too strict, but something to help you feel more organized and free you from feeling like you have to be decluttering/cleaning a lot. You might try flylady.net if you get a minute.
hey Al,
I obviously am not a mom, but I was just recalling what my mom used to do with me. I remember my mom would always give me something to play with. For instance, if you're making dinner, pull out the pots and pans for Kaylin to play with on the floor (I guess I really liked that!) or ask her what color playdough she wants and let her watch you make it, then give her some to play with. You could have a special time each day with her where you read a bible story out of a kids book and teach her the song, "Jesus loves me." That could be a very special memory. Hey, maybe even take her to a pet shop and let her pick out a fish. (of course, that's one more thing to clean though).
I don't know, it seems like there's a lot of possibilities if you make it a priority to engage her in an activity. Perhaps if you play with her for a few minutes to get her started, then you can work on a cleaning project.
Please remember, I don't even pretend to know what it's like to handle all the responsibilities of a wife and mother. You are amazing to me! It's really cool of you to be so honest. I admire you for desiring the best for your family. Ask God to give you the creativity and time management in your situation. He would love to help you!! Can't wait to see you, my dear friend.
A good book that I just finished is called Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. You kinda have to take what she writes with a grain of salt because it can be a bit overwhelming. It's quite different thinking from our culture today (even most Christian cultures for that matter) but what I think she means is priceless. She really puts in the correct focus what our role as woman means and thus what our role as wife means. Whether we choose to listen or not, our roles are still there. We can choose to embrace them and thus create harmony in our homes or we can choose to ignore them and allow our homes to become unorderly and fill with chaos.
When I went to the WDW Conference one of the seminars I attended was called Managing the Unmanageable and was exactly what you are talking about. She gave us great instruction on how to fear the Lord and gain wisdom in how to complete our role as wife and mother in creating order in our homes. It was great. I'll send you a copy of her tape. I think you'll really like it.
I have been battling with the same kinds of feelings. So I've made myself a chart saying:
Monday - dust and vacuum
Tuesday - Kitchen
Wednesday - Laundry
Thursday - Bathroom
etc... this way my saturdays aren't full of chores and I'm able to give my time to Travis when he's home and also, I only have one major chore to do a day so I'm only working for about 2 hours instead of all day and am able to spend more time with the girls. Suzannah is getting to the age where she is able to help a little bit too...that's great! (although it's not quite to the perfection that i'd like, but I've been told that I should just live with it like that because if I went over her work after she was done and fixed it, that would only be teaching her that her work isn't good enough or that she doesn't have to do a good job b/c Mommy will just come along and fix it. That has been tough!)
I think that you'll always have to do straightening and organizing every day because you have Kaylin and she will mess up things, thats just the age she's at.
So for me mornings are shopping or getting out, and chores. Nap time comes at noon and then I can blog, read, write, or whatever, and then play with the girls after they wake up. Then around 3:30 to 4:00 I start dinner and then Travis gets home between 5:30 and 6:00. We eat and then the girls go to bed between 7:00 and 7:30 and then we do a quick clean up/tidying and by 8:00 we have the rest of the night to ourselves, read, watch a movie, play games, etc. Really, the book that I previously mentioned helped me to embrace my role of being a homemaker and understand what that really means, because before I was just trying to live regular life with added kis on the side and it wasn't going well at all. Even though I miss getting out all the time, I know that there will be a time for that. For right now I am to be investing in my girls and watching my home. This too shall pass and I hope it doesn't go to quickly for I know how badly I'll miss it.
(Sorry for rambling, hope this makes sense.)
Oh, yes, and as for what to do with the girls during my dinner-making time...
I don't prefer to put on a video. Instead I want them to learn to entertain themselves so I put them in room time/blanket time. I think that this tool is priceless (especially blanket time) because then you can use it anywhere and have complete control over your child (like at a meeting, or someone's house with fragile things, or when you need to get something done, or outside, etc). It has taken a while and isn't easy at first (does anything that is good come easy?).
You can just start out with 5 minutes and put Kaylin on a blanket in a room you can see her and tell her to stay on until the timer beeps. Give her a couple toys or books and let her play on her own. No need to spank if she disobeys or doesn't understand, just quietly pick her up and put her back on the blanket if she gets up and remind her that it is blanket time and her time to play on her own. The great thing about blanket time is that they can quietly play in one spot and you won't have to worry if they've walked off if you turn your head for a moment. My friend taught her child to do this (she was under a year) and brought her to prayer meeting at church and was able to spend th 45 min. praying while her daughter just played on her blanket beside her.
Just start out with 5 min, and then move to ten, and so on. Anyway we've worked our way up to almost an hour for Suzannah. She looks forward to it now and loves her time to sing and read and dance and play on her blanket. I love my time to be able to cook without whining, crying, her getting in to anything, or her being at my feet while I'm busy. I've only trained Charlotte to do this in the crib and haven't started on a blanket yet, I need to.
I just don't like the idea of having the TV/movie on. Think, what did they do before there even was television? If they did it, I'm sure we can do it even better because of all the conveniences we have (like, a microwace, fridge, oven, running water, etc.)
Hope this helps.
(Another added bonus is that since there are no movies playing during the week, that makes Suzannah that much more excited when she does get to see one!)
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